7 Things To Include or Exclude at First Date as an Older Adult (Ishraq Ahmed Hashmi)

Dating can be daunting again at 50+. Below are some guidelines that can help you through it

However, getting back into the dating pool as an older adult is overwhelming and scarely at times as well. It might sound funny, but the question usually heard in the times of dating was ‘what do people talk on dates now?” Who pays? Exploring how and when can past relationships be discussed?

If you’re nervous, don’t worry: Well, to those who might be thinking that it is not enough, then here are some positives that you might consider: Here’s a quick guide on what to do, and most certainly, what not to do in a first meeting with someone.

What to do on a first date

1. Be Upbeat And Confident.

It’s your attitude that will make or break your date, says dating coach Bela Gandhi, founder of the Smart Dating Academy in Chicago: “Readjust to hope eternal —love will come to me when, not if There are lots of fish in the sea, be thrilled.” The proper dressing whether to impress one’s self and the partner confers a certain positive energy.

2. Consider Your Body Language.

Being a nice person is crucial as people tend to meet for the first time and this has been testified by meet and matchmaker Tennesha Wood of the Broom List, Atlanta based organization with the match makingsuccess rate of 85%. Pat them on the back when speaking with a person, and always make eye contact the woman advises.

3. Be Honest.

DO be truthful about your age and any online presence and pictures, Wood advises. “Frankness is the biggest no-no in online dating which she also emphasizes on.” This will come back to haunt you: Some people think it’s about reducing the trust before it can even be created.

4. Come Prepared.

Communication is a two way process Stamoulis & Terzidou, (2010). “It categorically means to be ready with questions that you would wish the person to tell you about life, his or her dreams as well as be ready with answers to such questions,” as per Gandhi.

“You’re trying to find common points of interest. ” She says that the questions should not be very direct, instead, they should be general like the last book that was read and previous traveling destinations, so that more than yes and no answers are elicited.

5. Keep First Dates Short.

Gandhi tentatively advises splitting one’s first few dates to about two hours as this is the time when the brain begins to dwell on the negative. Instead of having dinner, have a cup of coffee, lunch, or an appetizer she states.

6. Pick the Proper Venue.

Specialists in the sphere of dating recommend matchmaking dynamic first date, for example, a walk on a park or mini-golf. “It makes conversations easier because occasionally there could be a crazy squirrel or saxophonist, who could help initiate a conversation,” as pointed by Gandhi.

A non-professional date idea for 66-year-old Steve Holt, an entrepreneur residing in Sandpoint, Idaho, is taking a walk, getting a cup of coffee or drinking wine together. “There is often the desire to design a date that leaves an opportunity for communication,” the young man continues. Such actions are minimized because it is very hard to communicate, for instance, while skiing, as speaking to each other is not possible.

7. Who Pays At The Beginning Shall Be Clear.

Some think that the person should treat on a date or maybe share the expenses because the other person is also present. To avoid embarrassment when it comes to who should pay the dinner and other such issues indicate the eHarmony, dating site, they recommend equals to decide on the payment conditions before or when beginning the date.

Probably, there are some things which are better be excluded unsaid on the first date.

1. Never start the date by shaking hands.

Hug instead, Gandhi suggests. This she says shows that one is warm and comfortable. “Well, it is not a business meeting I am attending,”

2. Don’t bring baggage.

Do not talk about your horrible divorce or loss of a partner for a first date since you barely know much about the person, according to Wood.

Do not compare your dates to your past lovers. Personally, she advises that people should not measure the future based on their past experiences.

3. Don’t create obstacles.

Keep an open mind. It’s okay to want to date tall people or people from the same city but do not tie your search to such small goals. If the values match, somebody might not be precisely what one thought he or she was, but it is better to remain open, Wood adds. “It is about providing people with an opportunity. ”

Since the divorce in 2016, the Wilmington, North Carolina-based Tracey Altman now knows that she must remain malle to changes for the several years she has been dating. “One guy took me skeet shooting,” the 57-year-old , told ‘Intimate’ magazine during an interview. “I said, ‘I do not believe I care much for that,’ ” ‘But I did,’ continued Miss Trevor enthusiastically.

4. Don’t get distracted.

That means not having your phone within eyes’ sight and, even better, having it switched off. Dating service It’s Just Lunch claims that, first dates does not conducive the use of phone, thus they coined it “No phone zones”.

“I never whip out my phone on a date,” says Altman. “If on a date, one spends much time staring at his or her phone, then notify you that he or she is not interested in you at all.”

5. Prevention and Avoidance.

Prevention and avoidance of dangerous conditions that may lead to the occurrence of the illness. So, to be safe, you should not give other people your last name until you see them for the second time at least. Experts advise that each arrangement be arrived at after the provision of individual means of transport and to initiate the initial few meetings from a recognized spot. In protection, Gandhi recommends that they sign up for a Google Voice phone number specific for the dating context, so that you need not reveal your real phone number for dating. The phone service is offered by Google to the Google account customers where calls can be made through the computer or Google’s mobile application; it indicates that, when dialing through the Google Voice from the U. S most of the Google Voice calls in the United States and Canada are free of cost.

6. Don’t worry If Sparks Don’t Fly Right Away. 

“A video call is worth 10, 000 word if a picture speaks 1, 000 words ,” remarks the woman. “That said, you can actually build quite friendly connections over the video. The essence of things is lost and you are back to the basics of dating, where you don’t really know each other physically, but you establish emotional closeness.

People cannot develop a friendship in a few weeks, for example. Gandhi also agreed adding that one should go on a second and a third date to be acquainted well with the person.

7. Avoid Sex Instantly

As much as possible, do not engage with the act of sex instantly. The message which Holt presents is that if you engage in recreation as soon as possible, “The emotional connection kind of takes a backseat,” he says. He said to take time to learn a person and if one can establish that there is a future then go ahead and make a move. “It is difficult to remove oneself from a particular relationship if you have had sex,” he said.

The survey conducted by online dating platform Match and revealed in the ‘Singles in America report’ shows that though 31 percent of singles are okay with the idea of having sex on the first three dates, 69 percent of them wish to wait longer.

“Indeed, it is quite different to be dating when we are old,” Holt adds. “We are searching for different things really We are searching for something serious rather than being single and just dating We are already looking to the future whether we want to be with this person or not.”